Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
