So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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