He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I met the friendliest cop last night
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
