When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i drank out of a bidet.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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