That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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