Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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