when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
