Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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