I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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