only if we run a train.
done.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
