508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
