how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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