He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
