It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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