It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
