glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
