I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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