Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
