Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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