my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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