Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
