There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
