I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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