if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
