I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
