I just pynch a tree in the face
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
