I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Randomize
