oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
