There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you will always have a special place in my vag
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
