i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
