I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
