i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
cat food counts as protein by the way
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
