i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Randomize
