Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
