I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
