So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just pee around me
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
