can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
