My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize
