The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
