I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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