She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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