How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
