Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
