Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
It's blow job season.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
