Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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