Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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