Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
