so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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