oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
