the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
